You have recently decided to try and understand my point of view regarding religion, specifically why I no longer follow one. I am not sure why you are trying to do this. Perhaps you are looking for ways to convert me. Perhaps you want a closer and more open relationship with me. I will assume the latter is your intention. This is a brief explanation for why I am no longer religious.

I was raised to be a Christian. As a child I frequently had vague questions about my religion; questions which made adults uncomfortable. I think the questions I had, were along these lines: Why are there many religions, and how do I know mine is right? What about people who don't follow my religion? Will they go to Hell? Am I comfortable with that? Does that seem like the action of a kind and loving God? What about remote peoples who never learn about the Bible and Jesus? What about other denominations? Which one is right? Which translation is the correct translation of the Bible, and more importantly the correct interpretation of the Bible? Why do some parts of the Bible appear to contradict other parts? What about all that Old Testament killing and child sacrifice, how is that OK?

At some point in my teen years I learned not to ask those questions and accept that "God works in mysterious ways". That worked for several years, but then I grew up, got married, and had a child. I remember holding my child and thinking about getting him baptized. I remember wondering why I should do that. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing no trace of evil or sin. I remember being angry that anyone might suggest that my child should bear the responsibility of the sins of his ancestors. Time passed, I had my son baptized, but the question never quite went away. The question grew and transformed. There were questions of: What sin had the ancestors committed? Why is knowledge so bad? Why is it unacceptable to ask questions about religion anyway? (By the way we're still married, ten years later. Did you know atheists have a lower divorce rate than Christians?)

During this time I had spent several years in college learning about education, and I had come to the belief that knowledge is empowering, and that withholding knowledge is the most efficient way to keep people under control. I took this lesson from the history of black Americans who fought for equal rights in the schools, and earlier the slaves who were denied education of any kind. I read about Frederick Douglass who was told he couldn't be taught to read because he might get the idea that he could do other things. I began to wonder if this religion was covering something up. What if religion was really a means of oppression? What if religion was a conspiracy to control the thoughts of the masses? Who could be behind such a big conspiracy? What could they hope to gain? How could so many people be fooled? Since so many people are Christians, is it possible that they could be wrong? Besides, Christianity is basically good and teaches good morals, so who cares if it's wrong?

A three year period came and went. During this time, I read. A lot! I cannot possibly list every book, magazine and website I read. I came to the conclusion that to answer my questions, I would have to read websites and books from authors or groups that I traditionally shunned. I was even a bit afraid to look at some of the literature that I found relevant. I was afraid that it would shake my faith. And indeed, it did, or so it seemed. I developed more questions about the Bible. Why were the gospels written years after Jesus lived? What evidence is there that Jesus did live? Were there other prophets who live at the same time who made claims similar to those of Jesus? Is there a logical or scientific explanation for resurrection or virgin birth? Are these possible? What other scientific impossibilities can be found in the Bible? (This was a surprising one for me* I had no idea how many there were!) How can there be so much scientific evidence for things like evolution, but groups of Christians can't even use the Bible to decide what they accept of it? Why didn't Jesus come back during the lifetimes of the apostles, like he said he would? What about Revelations? Does any of that make sense to anyone? How does one choose the parts of the Bible that are meant to be taken literally, among the parts that are not? Why can the Bible be used to justify everything from love to homophobia and from wars to slavery?

I looked into other religions to replace Christianity, but it all really came down to the question of God and the problem of evil. If God can be defined as an all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful being, then bad things would never happen. Since bad things do happen, God is either: not loving, not knowing, not powerful, or he must not exist. If he exists, but does not have those three qualities, he is not worth worshipping and shouldn't be called God. The funny thing is, this line of reasoning was used by Epicurus when he said, "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is impotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Whence then is evil?"

I have since found a new way to view my life. My lifestyle has not changed, although I do not attend church anymore. I have found more happiness because I take responsibility for my actions. I don't pray for guidance, I ask a friend for advice, and more often than before, I trust my own judgment. I learn as much as I can about the nature of the universe and even though I still have questions, I see it as more beautiful and amazing than ever before. I can look at a rainbow and contemplate the interplay of light and water, rather than just saying "God did that". I realize that I have one life to live, so I better make the best of it. I know death comes for all of us, but I am not afraid of it. I do not believe there will be anything awaiting me on the other side. I do not want to quit living, but when I must, I will not fear death. I won't know it happened. I recognize the difference between knowledge and belief. I realize that there are many things I do not know, and I admit that. I just don't believe that wasting time on religion is worthwhile. I live my life according to society's laws and my own belief that people should be good to one another. I don't need a God to tell me that. My parents taught me that.

I don't think you can understand the transformation I went through just by reading this letter, but I hope it has helped you to realize that this is a change I have undergone with a lot of thought. It was an emotional process, but it seems to be a one-way change. It has been six years since I left my religion and I have seen no religion that can take its place and no reason to return to my former beliefs. I hope that you are able to accept me for who I am, now that you know.
Sincerely,
Lisa